Psychological Issues
Psychology should be easy because it is most immediately accessible,
but it can be the most difficult because it is so emotionally charged
with one's own sense of existence. If there ever were a place where one
would want to go to "the first" of things and find good solid ground,
it is at the foundation of one's own being. So much of human activity
is centered around forming a tangible sense of "what I am."
Without even believing in the soul (which clearly characterizes {the
first} as providing an eternal something as a basis) there still
remains a strong identification with the personality as the solid
nature of
being.
Characterizing {The First} To Support A Sense of Being
What does "the personality" mean here? In the mind are a constant flow
of thoughts. Some are about what happened today, some are about
projects to do, etc. But another subset of the thoughts running in the
mind are saying "I am X" or "Without Y, I would not exist."
For example, "I am loved by many" or "Without a good reputation, I
would not exist." Just sitting still for a while, not engaging in any
of the other projects that the mind is thinking about, one can notice
quite clearly these running thoughts defining the personality.
The most interesting thing about the personality thoughts is that
they vehemently refuse to admit that they are mere thoughts. For
example, a personality thought says "I am a nice person." What does the
word "I" refer to? The personality. But the personality is just these
collections of thoughts. So try changing this sentence to "these
collections of thoughts are a nice person." Suddenly what was "I"
doesn't seem so
solid. After doing this, one after another, with each personality
thought
as it comes up, a kind of vertigo can ensue. It threatens a comfortable
feeling created by the unexamined personality thoughts, a feeling that
{the first} is there with characteristics to provide a firm foothold
for a sense of being (which of course it isn't).
But No Characteristics to Support It
The personality thoughts - saying "X is what I am" and "Y is necessary
for me to be what I am" - provide a shield against an experiential
encounter with the fact the {the first} has no characteristics to
support all these claims. In the extreme case, losing this shield
results in an existential crisis, an experience of dangling in the maw
of the void: "If {the first} has no characteristics, then what
would make me X and not any arbitrary thing?" "Y is necessary for me
to be what I am, but what will now support the existence of Y?" In a
milder form, this same sense of {the first} having no characteristics
is a dull anxiety. How unfortunate, because it is the recognition of a
truth.
What can turn this same recognition into a liberating instead of a
fearful experience? (Needless to say, it is not to
come up with more consoling stories to be told by the personality.)
It is hellish when the ground drops out from underneath the personality
and one believes that "I am the personality." It is liberating when the
ground drops out from under the personality and one knows that
the personality is a collection of thoughts, not "what I am," not
crucial. It is not that one needs to point to something else instead of
the personality to say, "Now this is what I am instead." It is
enough to not be the personality, because it is the personality
thoughts which are demanding "I need a solid ground."
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